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        再婚的智慧

        時間:2019-10-06 17:04 來源:網絡 作者:用戶投稿 閱讀:
          2014年年初的時候,年近六旬的閆玉蘭終于完成了已耗費她兩年時間的書——《如何當后媽》。作為一個有著22年再婚經歷的過來人,閆玉蘭有豐富的實戰經驗,她說,如果能讓更多的人不再害怕走進再婚家庭,她的辛苦就是值得的。
          
          有時需要犧牲和妥協
          
          那年,閆玉蘭剛從張家界調到岳陽市某機械廠工作,就有朋友給離異的她介紹對象,這個人就是馬爾福。經過幾次接觸,她對馬爾福很欣賞,盡管知道馬爾福也是離異,且有個9歲的女兒安娜,她最終決定走進這個家。
          
          考慮到安娜對爸爸再婚接受起來不容易,閆玉蘭打算低調處理婚事。她沒有為結婚添置任何新物品。怕安娜看到自己和馬爾福的結婚照會產生抵觸情緒,就將結婚照藏到了安娜姑姑家。她甚至打算連宴席也免了,但婆婆不同意,婆婆堅持訂了幾桌宴席,請了親朋好友來簡單低調地舉行了婚禮。
          
          閆玉蘭第一天再婚生活,是在安娜的哭聲中開始的,小女孩怎么都想不明白,為什么這個女人要住在自己家、吃自己家的飯,還和爸爸睡一張床。為了表達不滿,安娜開始起得很早,起床的第一件事就是撞開閆玉蘭和馬爾福臥室的房門、打開燈,然后坐在床邊的梳妝臺前開始梳頭。閆玉蘭和馬爾福常常正睡著就被驚醒,兩個人哭笑不得。盡管有些不適應,但閆玉蘭沒有說,也不讓馬爾福說,畢竟是個9歲的孩子,自己怎么能跟她計較?
          
          后來,兩個人索性不關房門了,便于安娜自由進出。這樣的情況持續了一個多月,安娜就不再來了,畢竟起那么早對她來說,也是極大的考驗。
          
          不只是妥協和退讓
          
          安娜愛哭,幾乎每天都哭。經過反復思考,閆玉蘭想到一個好辦法,用白紙設計了兩張精致漂亮的考評表,找了個合適的機會,拉著安娜的手說:“阿姨身上也有不少缺點,你愿意幫我克服嗎?”安娜一聽很高興,點頭表示同意。
          
          趁著熱乎勁,閆玉蘭又問安娜有沒有缺點,愿不愿意改,安娜竟爽快地說愿意。于是,閆玉蘭拿出另一張考核表遞給安娜:“每天哭對身體不好,如果你一天不哭,就可以得一朵小紅花;如果還有更好的表現,就會有更多的小紅花。”安娜聽了高興地答應了。
          
          效果出乎意料的好。安娜每天堅持給閆玉蘭考評,一天都沒有落下過。同時,她也開始注意規范自己的言行,希望能得到更多的小紅花。就這樣,安娜動不動就哭的毛病改掉了,還跟閆玉蘭熱乎起來。
          
          婚后第三個月的時候,閆玉蘭發現自己懷孕了。安娜知道后,又是一番哭鬧。閆玉蘭原本想去打掉孩子,但因為年齡偏高加上身體虛弱,醫生勸她要慎重考慮。婆婆知道后,堅持讓閆玉蘭生下孩子。為了安撫安娜,閆玉蘭許下諾言:無論什么時候都會把安娜放在第一位。
          
          可安娜顯然并沒有釋懷。閆玉蘭在醫院里待產的時候,安娜不讓爸爸去照看。閆玉蘭分娩那天,得知爸爸在醫院里,安娜氣得在地上打滾,說什么都要讓他回家?;蛟S是產后脆弱的緣故,那天閆玉蘭哭了:為什么付出這么多,竟然沒有感動安娜?也是在那一刻,閆玉蘭突然意識到,一味妥協也許能在感情上稍稍接近孩子,卻無法解決孩子本身存在的問題,也無法讓彼此的關系得到更深入的發展。
          
          那之后,閆玉蘭開始有意識地看一些有關教子方面的書,并推薦給安娜。知道安娜喜歡聽故事,閆玉蘭就找機會給她講一些表現真善美的故事,其中還有一些反映單親或者再婚家庭的故事。有時候,閆玉蘭被故事感動,自己講著講著就哭了,這讓安娜很觸動。慢慢地,在安娜的眼里,閆玉蘭變成一個“優秀”的化身:她不僅能解決安娜所有學習上的難題,還多才多藝,她會給安娜織各種各樣的漂亮毛衣,能給安娜做出漂亮的發型,她會打籃球會跳舞……安娜開始越來越信任這個后媽,有事不再首先去找爸爸,而是來找閆玉蘭。
          
          愛的收獲
          
          兒子東東出生后,閆玉蘭堅持把安娜放在第一位。閆玉蘭很少給東東買新衣服和新玩具,基本都是拾別人舊的,而把更多的錢花在安娜的身上。每一次,閆玉蘭都跟兒子耐心解釋:“姐姐是大姑娘了,應該更注意穿戴,用的東西也應該更好一點。”
          
          安娜15歲那年的“三八”節,送給閆玉蘭一張自己做的賀卡,并在賀卡上深情地寫道:“親愛的媽媽,在過去的日子里,我也許讓您失望過、生氣過,我想對您說一句:媽媽,對不起。這么多年,我開始從心里愛您、敬佩您……”
          
          閆玉蘭是含著眼淚讀完這段文字的,她覺得女兒對自己的認可,就是對她付出的最大肯定。
          
          慢慢懂事的安娜越來越呵護弟弟,有誰欺負了弟弟,她都會站出來保護。
          
          1996年《湖南日報》舉辦“我愛我家”征文,安娜把自己對父母和弟弟的愛寫成征文,投給了報社,還獲了獎。中央電視臺的《實話實說》欄目組被這一家人的故事感動了,邀請全家去做了一期節目,觀眾的反響非常好。
          
          后來,安娜去外地上學和工作,再忙都會給閆玉蘭寄賀卡來。安娜還用自己的第一份工資給弟弟買了名牌衣服。
          
          回首22年的再婚生活,閆玉蘭覺得,做后媽,其實不需要斗,也不需要防,最好的辦法便是愛和智慧。

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